I am His beloved, a journey

I’ve been now serving God and people in the last 5 years, full of blessing against all odds. One day I was asked by one of my good friends from college we used to go together, these questions :

“What do you do now? Will you go to study Master somewhere overseas?”

” What are you doing, do you work or when will you get married?”

” Tell me again what are you really doing?”

Then he slightly changed it into imperative words  that sounded like ” Remember who you are!”

A year ago when I was in state of desperation on looking for my purpose after  passed through some hurdles phases in my life, I asked myself who I am ? what do I do? When I don’t know who I am, then I will find it difficult when people ask me what do I do? That’s how my culture works, what you do mostly is defined by who you are. I am senseless, procrastination expert- wary fanatics, clueless and ( I feel) I have no friends, and (I feel) I am a controlling person, when I don’t know who I am. What I know is I am sinner.. Sky is falling.

I have lot of friends from different background.

One of them is a Jet Fighter Pilot, he says he is Air force Pilot, he need to walk through different tough process before qualified to be a pilot. He is a Pilot, his job is to fly a fighter Jet. He needs to wake up early in the morning, and practice hard, with no rooms for errors when he flies.

My other friend is an accountant, his jobs is to manage and make a systematic reports of the company expenses and revenues in many different forms. He is meticulously accurate and calm in fashion. He said he was struggling a lot to be able to finish all the reports day by day before in order to stay at job.

Meanwhile one of my friend is a painter, he will stay in on solitude room for hours before he brushes delicate red maroon paint to the rough pencil sketches in the canvas. He gives it away to friends and sometime sells it. But because he came from Civil engineering background , he needs to earn His Master degree in fine arts in college first, before his painting could be recognized on Fine arts community.

My other friend is a Theological Professor, his job in Bible College is to give lecture about a knowledge to understand the act of God throughout the history of mankind. He said he does it with his brain and he loves it when he used to do it with his heart, and later on he said he does with his spirit. But he need to earn his PhD first before be able to teach.

Who I am?

I am a sinner.. still and I have no master degree, I am not married yet with the culture which subtly urges everyone to have decent works and get married, I have no fancy car and mansion to look appealing.

But I can answer.. I am a sinner but I am loved by God, The answer that I couldn’t say like only 2 years ago, not because I never heard about it, but because I feel I  experience nothing from that saying.

When I am loved by God I am a sinner who do not need to go to college to have master degree, or have to get married because everybody ask me to do so, or to please everybody that know nothing about me.

I am a sinner who is not trapped by the world demands, I am sinner who lived by His grace, not the work that I do, I
am sinner who live and learn to abide in His righteousness.

“Who are you, again?”

” I am a sinner, loved by God, and I have the best job in heaven and earth”

“To be His servant and finishing the jobs that he has for me”

“He knows me , and I know him”

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2 thoughts on “I am His beloved, a journey

    1. Thank you ReBecky.. Yes, a sinner but is loved so much, can’t comprehend that grace sometime, so thankful love Him! and all this that our Lord’s name will be glorified forever and ever. Thank you, it is true let’s find his heart,his righteousness everyday, every moment.

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